woo.. finally the ca is over.. haha.. yeah.. just 3 days and yet there is a whole year of syllabus to cover! finally the school has completed year one syllabus and they left us with one month to self-live-self-destuct b4 pros.. Arh.. At least can rest for two weeks i guess? Still dunno my result for this ca and how i will do for the pros.. hope not to repeat my yr again? Hope that today is the last day i step into the anat hall and museum.. One yr sure flies...
From this ca i have sure learnt a lot. Not in the sense of knowledge but in my attitude towards life. Two weeks ago, i was getting quite stressed up and frustrated about the workload i m dealing with.. Esp when i see pple beside u making notes which is thicker than textbooks, and their know-it-all confidence.. And i see pple poning sch to mug even more intensively and home.. And their indulgence in studying.. their brain is so full of anat physio and biochem that they forgot what they are supposed to do when they go to the loo..? i m amused, yet frustrated that y can't i do the same thing..? Y i can't concentrate on work, slack ard so much.. procrastinate till the last min.. do worthless stuff like exercising, reading books non-related to med, play piano, watch tv, do my part-time job without earning money (and blogging too)... Y can i just stay at home and mug, and mUG, AND MUG?
Last week, i suddenly understood that probably tis not my habit to be so diligent.. Tis not in my character to be so.. Tis definitely stressful to kick such a habit of indolence all of a sudden.. Anyway is there a need to kick off such a habit..? In the past, egg and me always leave things to the last, and yet we always manage to did it, didn't we.. Even though in hc, i always get E for my bio and egg never got beyond a O.. we all got an A in A level, didnt we? Huh.. moral of the story is no need to mug so hard.. Tis just that in the past i have someone to give me assurance that things will be fine.. Tis hard to find one now, when every single student is a ultra mugger.. I wont say that muggers have no life.. As their passion is in the subject itself and their passion to perfect their knowledge is commendable.. Confucius say if one love a job, he need not work a single day in his life.. I respect all muggers.. Oh well probably i shldnt use the term at all as it has its negative connotation to it.. Back to the topic.. yeah.. no need to be so mug... the lecture notes.. no matter how skimpy give good focus.. the more skimpy.. the more focus..
Oh well, anything wrong with me then..? i guess not, tis my ability to use small effort to reap great results..(not really great, but multiple times of my effort though?) Tis my sky-drop-down-use-as-blanket mentality that has brought me through many challenges.. and i will probably continue PROVIDED i dun get retained this year... i m getting more confident and cooler now, just like i had been before.. OH.. yeah, my ca result has not come out yet.. thinking of this my confidence is ebbing away again..
CEO of Intel Andrew Grove once said Only the paranoid will survive in today's world... Dun think need to be paranoid at all. Chinese got saying if god want you to perish, he will make you paranoid first... Thats more true.. Relax and lay back.. I m paying 18k per year to ENJOY an eduction, not to SUFFER from it.. i have definitely grown in this short period of time.. Tis good i come to a realisation, otherwise i will be waiting and hoping for a mirage, just like the pot of gold at the other end of the rainbow.. Tis important to enjoy the process and not only waiting for the outcome.. just Monte Cristo waited for so many years for his revenge, but revenge isn't as sweet when it come.. however the process made him a resolute man that make him strong against all adversities.. Stressful life lies ahead but i think i will enjoy the adrenaline rush and sympathetic stiumlation.. but most of the days are still relaxing aren't they?
Talking about destressing, i sudden found a great technique.. i chose myself a music therapy.. i would choose two pieces of my choice, one agitated and the other calmer and more flowing.. for last week, i manage to learn two pieces.. wad a great achievement during exam period yeah! one piece was bridge o'er trouble h2o.. plus singing.. cool! vent away all my stress.. i believe the beauty of a song partially lies in the lyrics, if the song strikes a chord with what i feel, then tis meaningful and says the things that i want to say but dunno how to express in words.. then a chinese contemporary piece of folk music, autumn moon over the Calm Lake.. Very useful, esp when i played yesterday when i still have one year of syllabus to cover..(Din complet in the end though coz play too much).. Immediately it teleported me to a faraway land... the ripples... the yellow moon (remind me of serous demilune (half moon) in the submandibular gland), the clear water.. the fresh breeze.. the trickling water, the lonely old horse.. the old man by the lake with his heart as clear as the water..
xi shi with her flowing long hair.. the
lao dao with the horsetail like thingy dabbing the thingy gently in the air... ooh.. i felt like i were
zhugeliang in
kongchengji, there is no soldier in the city but by the confident way he play the
qin, he scared away thousands of
cao's soldiers.. hell lot of appegios, two bloody pages with hemi-demi-semi-quavers.. more effective than hanon or scales.. feel pro while playing even though i not pro ..sigh, y m i always wallowing in self-admiration, self-pity, fantasies and my own emotions? Oh well, i m not a mugging robot anyway... If music is the food of love, play on..
toking about blogging.. hmm i wonder.. tis just a act of indulging in one's feeling and emotion.. in a way tis a exhibitionistic behaviour+wallowing in self-pity+narcissism.. in another way tis therapeutic to do some self toking.. yet tis different from writing a diary.. sensitive issues are censored and tis something that tis alright for everyone to read or what one wan everyone to read.. tis ironical isnt it.. when writing diary, a personal thing, becomes a public thing.. when things that one doesnt reveal to his closest people, he reveals to some who dun noe him that well.. reminded me of those anon pple calling in to radio station spitting out their heart and soul to a stranger, and not someone close like parent or frenz.. what a weird world that has evolved.. yeah.. i believe bonds btw pple are not as strong as before esp with the advent with sms.. "got thing just sms lah!" "huh msg you later" in words of sms, u cannot sense the nuances of feeling, msg like 'i m very happy' can mean thousand and one feelings.. therefore i still call egg.. huh..(sounds gay though...) tis for sure that there are very much lesser common topics to tok about.. but still got some lah.. our lives are boring aniwae.. really no life.. so still got some crap to crap about.. yeah.. friends nowadays hard to be found with us ourselves building a barrier to protect ourselves from harm and others building a barrier to protect themselves from harm.. not really harm but.. hmm i dunno how to describe.. doesnt matter anyway.
what a load of incoherent crap.. i dun think i m enlightened.. more confused rather.. i hope i did a better job in explaining y oliguria is resulted from blood loss.. otherwise.. huh! sky drop down use as blanket!
