largamente

i just realised that i m a person with quite a good self-control, or is it just my cowardice, fear of losing face, or fear of offending others?

b4 i do things, i always think of how my action or talk will affect others (oh well, most of the time).. but this seems to dam up my feeling and i have nowhere to vent it.. i m envious of those who are direct and frank, even though they may offend others, but to them, the pple are more forgiving to their mistakes.. how i wish i were like that.. ha.. probably my cowardice is coming to play again.. remind me of wizard of oz cowardly lion.. i can write another book on cowardly tigger..

ushered for the WHO talk on tues.. see those big shot pple.. remind me of my ambitions.. everyone desires to be better, wealthier and more famous.. or be someone who is defined as 'successful' in life.. i wish too.. but there is no end to man's desire and desires makes joy and hapiness more ephemeral.. to a baby, something that can make the sound of ding and dong can make him laugh non-stop.. (evidence: the famous clip of baby laughing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk)... to a grown-up, fame and wealth can only make one ask for more.. growing up desensitise pple and raises the threshold for joy.. remind me of the adage of the fisherman's wife..

dun really watch a lot of doctor dramas though, the only one i watched was the jap version of the white tower.. tis a show about desire for power and fame which engulfed the doc's humanity to become arrogant and corrupt.. desire in a good amt push pple forward to achieve better stds, but in excess may even kill.. gambling itself is a play on man's desires.. therefore i think that it is necessary to have a nonnegotiable limit to desire.. therefore, even if one loses, he will not lose everything.. (i will watch 1L of tears when exams over.. haha.. trust ur good recommendations!)

in this rat race, what am i goin to achieve? in order to survive in a world with fiercer competition, one nids to establish a niche and takes every opportunity seriously.. as to the extent of wealth or fame, i dun have the power to expect, but i believe i would have succeeded by helping the people around me, and bringing joy to the people ard me..

done enough of reflections.. not of studying though, if at all.. mon rehearse for ushering, tue go to usher, nxt wk mon still got parliament interpretation OJT.. i still got 8990 pages to mug.. a bit too late.. dun think i will blog again till main exam is over in nxt nxt week..(i really hope tis really over.. i dun wan reexam..)

so within my limits (another excuse), tg, why don't you do your best?
























































to the only reader of my blog..

ps: to maintain the readership of my blog, i decide to sell guanzi and yah.. oso not guanzi... since my plan for the hols is quite a lot and vague.. some are not really feasible.. hmm.. anyway i will tell you more about it if/when my plan succeeds..

pps: thanks for bothering to read my ponderous blog.. i vent all my frustration here and really apologise it is all too gloomy and boring.. will try to blog about happier stuff nxt time.. hmm.. like what i do everyday.. such as what time i drink water and when i go to loo.. (i think i blog about that a few years ago.. anyway i can repeat it..) yah.. i will also attempt to change the music next time.. (but this one sound quite happy if i m in a happy mood though)

ppps: nice new template! oh yeah.. thanks for sharing the indian thriller! good training for sit-ups for ippt.. indians are just so funny and sexy! *epistaxis shoot into sky*.. hahaha..