leggiero

really happy these day.. found that life can be soooo meaningful without exams..

after much soul searching, i finally found what i really enjoy in life.. that is self-expression.. eh, blogging though is a form of self-exp, it still cause more pain coz firstly my eng cmi secondly it make me dwell in thots... at least happy thoughts are better than sad thots.. eggie sound quite happy today haha i think he is gettin used to the life, in many ways, he is much better than me coz i think i really cannot tahan the two yrs.. luckily come out for a break b4 goin back in.. hmm.. i diverged.. (heh, should i have any sentence break somewhere)

i love music coz tis a process of self-expression.. i oso love art coz i think the visual dna puts it very well, tis everyday living like chair being elevated to a new level of aesthetic appreciation.. tis not sth on the wall where there is no involvement, instead, it is ingrained in the everyday living.. tis a epitome of life.. making my life really busy these days.. but really fun.. i enjoy it..

i think enjoyment comes in when one is really engrossed doing something.. anything..

y i always blog about crappy and warped philosophy.. hmm.. but i think it relates a lot to my daily life, tis just that i feel that the moral of the story is more impt than the story itself..

i suddenly noe how i blog already.. i would say.. if i do sth and make my decision on it, i will always be ready to pay the price and make up for it.. making corrections may not be a bad thing at all coz at least i noe the mistake and noe the pain of making a wrong decision..

when i actually meant: wah today very sian.. took imm bus go clementi.. in the end reach clementi i din alight coz i see some pple nvr alight.. i thot the bus may make a u-turn and stop at my side and thot i have like forty-five min to spare.. might as well take the bet and continue riding.. din bother asking the driver or other passenger oso.. wah take the bus..5 min.. nvr u turn.. 10 min.. still nvr turn.. wah 15 min STILL HAVEN U-TURN! i noe i in deep-sh*t le.. like i oni have 30 min to go back clementi.. i alighted then look around.. heng arh! i was in ginza.. i thot confirm plus chop got direct bus go clementi one lor.. since ginza in clementi region.. (para break here shld be adequate)

lucky leh (was never so lucky for 4d or toto though), i got the bus guide cum map sponsored by ntuc with me... take out check.. i then noe i was in DEEPER sh*t.. no dir bus.. i call egg he still tell me bus 30 go clementi.. after yrs of his pranks i noe nvr to trust him.. indeed if i took 30 will be in haw par villa in 30 min time n not clementi.. no choice take bus 11 lor.. wearing my army sandals, i ran for my life ( my class cost me 30 per class.. even one second is money!) .. ran and ran and ran.. in the end i should reach aye but i reach west coast highway.. WAD THE! arghgghghg! i motivated myself!!! 30 for one hour that is one min fifty cent and every second is ONE CENT SINGAPORE DOLLAR! how can i give up hope?

enlightened, i ran like in jack neo's film, yeah in the opposite direction.. all the way back to the wet market, the ginza shopping centre, the carpark, one street, one overhead bridge, nus high sch, nan hua sec, one more road, one more car park, one housing estate, cross overhead bridge over clementi road i think then across clementi swimming pool one more BLOODY carpark.. finally...

CLEMENTI! (now my mind is playing Aida's Triumphant March.. DA DI DI DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA EVERY SINGLE CENT IS SAVED! HAHAHAHA!)

i have deciphered myself.. what an achievement.. what a miser though much is exaggerated and 如有雷同,纯属巧合。。

yup another long-winded boring entry..

oh yeah.. prob goin russia for hols with family...
can't wait.. tis such a romantic country! not a typically romantic but the hue of mystery and the deadly attraction of the ideal of communism and the tsar and rachmaninov and st petersburg.. i just like the mood..

france and spain probably nxt nxt destination.. both oso very romantic.. france for its arts and the Revolution! Napoleon! impressionistic art form! debussy! Spain.. love the guitar music.. the flamenco dance is hot and fiery.. the sun.. yet the most wonderful is the tinge of melancholy blended into the culture.. though the dance is fiery though the music is passionate but one can always spot the shade of sadness in the bright sunlight...

i nid to slp.. i really hate blogging.. i type too slow and tok non-stop.. i prefer other forms of self-expression..

agitato

*can skip first part, read after asterisk..

nvr understand human nature.. las time, i nvr do homework then i say the day b4 i do liao.. then my mum say u yesterday eat liao y u still eat today..

i used to take it as a joke but now no longer.. greediness is always insatiable.. there is no satiety centre in our brain to tell us that tis enough.. tis never enough.. yest i eat, today i will forget the feeling of fullness and want to eat again.. like man has leg, but he longs for wheels, then he got wheels, but he longs to have wings..

greediness may not be bad though.. if used on the good side.. that is the drive factor to push him forward..

life is oso like a rpg game.. not that i play a lot though.. i only have the patience to complete one game.. train train train.. fight big boss... amass money amass money amass money.. spend spend spend... train heal train.. fight bigger boss... fight bigger bigger boss.. fight biggest boss.. end game... one buy rpg main aim not to win boss but to aim to fight bigger and bigger boss.. life is goal oriented but most of the time tis spend on the process of achieving the goal... if one dunno how to enjoy the process, he will always be in a state of misery...

i used to be liddat, only like the sensation of winning the boss, but now i begin to enjoy the process of preparation and looking forward to the bigger boss...

life oso like music.. i hope tis as moto perpetuo as baroque, as simplistic and childlike like mozart classical music, as passionate as romatic era, as avant garde and creative as contempory piece.. oh yeah! tan dun is coming to town! got symphony sth to do with maps and paper percussion.. he is famous for using water and stones to make music.. really an avant garde.. but tics like very ex again... yeah haven finish my analogy, composers write passionate music to evoke the sensation of listeners but they themselves are the sanest creatures and the most rational creatures around.. despite beethoven and chopin messy haircut, in my belief, their pieces are creations of reasoning and not purely inspirational.. creativity is like spark and fire can only be sustained with gas that is reasoning.. chord progressions and repeated editing can only create masterpieces.. Now education is always creative creative creative, but creativity come out from fundamentals and accumulation of knowledge not thin air.. diligence and rational thinking should take hold of life.. not only inspiration and passion.. use big brain or cerebrum to think, not only cerebellum..

come across a psycho test using pic.. thought of doin, add some pics to make my blog less morbid.. tis still morbid nevertheless...

blogging makes me more morbid though.. i feel that i have like split personality and talk to myself more often.. or soliloquys.. like 'tg, this this this...' then the second voice come in.."no shld be tt tt tt" Is that normal? i nid to study psychiatry b4 i can find out..

*ok.. now as how a normal person shld blog i shall blog...

today very happy buy new clothes with mum.. but my leg too long and slim, like arachnid, then my waist to slim.. wah sianz.. most the trousers not long enuff to cover my skin and leg hair when sitting down.. ie got gap btw socks and pants.. aniwae got wad i wanted..
tiredness>>> happiness.. nid to learn from girls how to enjoy the process and not the goal!

tml very happy... go out with mum again.. she go enjoy brunch.. i go swim jacuzzi plus spa.. not that i rich but all are complimentary i.e. free.. then lunch will be sumptuous meal again.. haha tis good to be close with mum.. got good stuff to enjoy too.. but most impt family is really strongest pillar of support emotionally.. sth i realised over the yrs..

air

was playing the harmonious blacksmith for the past few days during exams..

handel's music is truly angel's music..

life is great after exams, before exams and during exams..

dunno y but feel quite happy that i have made sure and clear wad my goal is.. for life and everyday living..

yes.. life just need one goal, like harmonious blacksmith, a piece with theme and variation, one theme, the rest are just variation of the same theme but it can be still made as interesting and varied.

i would say my life will be a life of pursuit, endless pursuit.. i believe attaining sth should not be the goal itself, instead the ultimate goal ought to be achieve sth greater and better.. attaining sth is just a springboard to the next pursuit..

then wad sort of pursuit? hmm, i think there are a lot to achieve.. for example beauty, sth that is as elusive as music, tis never sth that one can quantify, however one can always go on and on pursuing the 'perfect' sound to one's ears...

i finally come to understand one point, being busy wont kill me, but boredom sure kill me...

holidays are here, and i shall pursue!

largamente

i just realised that i m a person with quite a good self-control, or is it just my cowardice, fear of losing face, or fear of offending others?

b4 i do things, i always think of how my action or talk will affect others (oh well, most of the time).. but this seems to dam up my feeling and i have nowhere to vent it.. i m envious of those who are direct and frank, even though they may offend others, but to them, the pple are more forgiving to their mistakes.. how i wish i were like that.. ha.. probably my cowardice is coming to play again.. remind me of wizard of oz cowardly lion.. i can write another book on cowardly tigger..

ushered for the WHO talk on tues.. see those big shot pple.. remind me of my ambitions.. everyone desires to be better, wealthier and more famous.. or be someone who is defined as 'successful' in life.. i wish too.. but there is no end to man's desire and desires makes joy and hapiness more ephemeral.. to a baby, something that can make the sound of ding and dong can make him laugh non-stop.. (evidence: the famous clip of baby laughing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk)... to a grown-up, fame and wealth can only make one ask for more.. growing up desensitise pple and raises the threshold for joy.. remind me of the adage of the fisherman's wife..

dun really watch a lot of doctor dramas though, the only one i watched was the jap version of the white tower.. tis a show about desire for power and fame which engulfed the doc's humanity to become arrogant and corrupt.. desire in a good amt push pple forward to achieve better stds, but in excess may even kill.. gambling itself is a play on man's desires.. therefore i think that it is necessary to have a nonnegotiable limit to desire.. therefore, even if one loses, he will not lose everything.. (i will watch 1L of tears when exams over.. haha.. trust ur good recommendations!)

in this rat race, what am i goin to achieve? in order to survive in a world with fiercer competition, one nids to establish a niche and takes every opportunity seriously.. as to the extent of wealth or fame, i dun have the power to expect, but i believe i would have succeeded by helping the people around me, and bringing joy to the people ard me..

done enough of reflections.. not of studying though, if at all.. mon rehearse for ushering, tue go to usher, nxt wk mon still got parliament interpretation OJT.. i still got 8990 pages to mug.. a bit too late.. dun think i will blog again till main exam is over in nxt nxt week..(i really hope tis really over.. i dun wan reexam..)

so within my limits (another excuse), tg, why don't you do your best?
























































to the only reader of my blog..

ps: to maintain the readership of my blog, i decide to sell guanzi and yah.. oso not guanzi... since my plan for the hols is quite a lot and vague.. some are not really feasible.. hmm.. anyway i will tell you more about it if/when my plan succeeds..

pps: thanks for bothering to read my ponderous blog.. i vent all my frustration here and really apologise it is all too gloomy and boring.. will try to blog about happier stuff nxt time.. hmm.. like what i do everyday.. such as what time i drink water and when i go to loo.. (i think i blog about that a few years ago.. anyway i can repeat it..) yah.. i will also attempt to change the music next time.. (but this one sound quite happy if i m in a happy mood though)

ppps: nice new template! oh yeah.. thanks for sharing the indian thriller! good training for sit-ups for ippt.. indians are just so funny and sexy! *epistaxis shoot into sky*.. hahaha..